Monday, 11 August 2014

Keep the f@*#ing thing switched on! New ways to annoy my nephew in the future...

In the wake of a parental visit a few weeks ago very nearly marred by the reluctant and distressingly uneven use of an ancient and very EASY TO OPERATE mobile phone, I couldn't help but wonder: which totally banal yet 'indispensable as oxygen' technology will my inability to get my head around result in my nephew shouting (inside) in exasperation thirty years from now? I have already explored the replaceable organs scenarioThis week we explore...

2- Teleportation

Mouse- Auntie Paola, where are you?
Me (disembodied elbow hovering mid-air) – I’m coming I’m coming….
Mouse-Let me guess, the setting was too low again..
Me (rest of body materialises, elbow disappears)- This blasted thing is just too difficult to operate. The instructions are written in minuscule print and I…
Mouse- We’ve been through this, oh, 14.000 times? Green for send, Red for close down transmission. What is so complicated?
Me – What can I tell you, Mouse, I can never seem to get both elbows in…Very peculiar.
Mouse- Auntie, for the very last time...
Me –The thing is, Mouse, I’m not at all clear about the ‘thinghy’ here.
Mouse - …..I play poker with the VP of Apha Centauri. I'm in a spaceship-share with the MD of Kookle….. 
Me – But Mouse, the fact is…
Mouse-… DON'T CALL ME MOUSE!!!!!
Me – OK, ok, you are so grouchy! What was I saying?
Mouse- Your face is becoming all fuzzy!
Me – You noticed? Ohhh, it’s this wonderful new beauty treatment, it’s..
Mouse – No, Auntie, you are disappearing…What button have you pushed now? You can't switch it on and off like that you have to keep the blasted thing On all the way.
Me – Button? No I just…wait a second, I have no fingers at the mo…
-         Loud digi-vibration -
Mouse- Hang on, it’s Uncle. Uh? Mmm…Says your butt is now in the middle of interstellar motorway 17.....blocking the traffic.
Me- Don’t be ridiculous, I’ve completely lost the extra holiday weight.
Mouse- I thought I had been clear: littering the galaxy with unwanted bits of your body is not the way to lose weight. Plus there are laws against it.
Me – Oh little Mouse, you are adorable when you get angry! Reminds me of when I used to snatch your dummy and..
Mouse- It’s Uncle again. Said he sent his Ukulele ahead but he now can’t remember where. (Sottovoce: God give me strength). You cannot teleport stuff on its own, you idiot!!!!
Me – Ohh, you are such a cross little Mouse! You should start smoking again. They say it’s good for your again….

Next time:

Four-D Printing. 

Stay tuned. 

And keep the f*@#ing thing switched ON!