There’s an advert for a new Apple iPad being shown in cinemas at the moment which delivers an unwarranted, and to my mind cruel, blow to the plexus to anyone who’s been recently bereaved. If that includes you I urge you to get off your seat and leave for the duration if you don’t want to spend the first ten minutes of whatever jolly Christmas film you are there to see stifling sobs into your scarf and wiping snot with your bare hands.
It starts innocently enough - long minutes tracking the journey of a family of four across America (planes, trains, automobiles) to visit Grandpa. The iPad makes a few appearances along the way, being put to the traditional use of quieting the two squabbling little girls at various points by the weary parents. So far, so cliched. But this iPad is magic, you see, this iPad is different.
We get to Grandpa’s. Something is not right - cue sad music. The house is cold, uninviting. The old man is grumpy and unsmiling. It turns out Grandma has recently died and Mum/Daughter is there to help Grandpa clear her closets and make sure he's eating right. The two little girls squabble on, to the irritation of all.
Left alone with old family pictures and ancient video cassettes the girls get working on a project. On Christmas morning they unpack the iPad anew for Grandpa and their handiwork, it is revealed, consists of a childish PowerPoint charting the story of the young grandparents, the growing family, Grandma’s demise and so forth ending with a comforting picture of the family still together at Christmas, at least with the aid of a digital collage. See, Grandma is still here, smiling among us, it’s still us. When the old man’s scowl dissolves into tears so will you.
Adverts have always made us cry to make us buy. But normal psychological manipulation tends to weaponise more positive human emotions, such as joy. Newborns gurgling, lovers getting together, friends reuniting. It’s still cheap, it’s still not great but it feels less exploitative somehow.
Using imagined grief (a sentiment presumably still only tangential to the lives of your core customer demographic of young, busy, exasperated parents) to sell tablets strikes me as low for two reasons. The first is that you can throw money at just about anything else but not at grief. Retail therapy might help in a romantic breakup (although that's never been my experience), it can distract you from your mid-life crisis. But shiny new ‘stuff’ can’t assuage the howling sadness caused by the loss of a loved one.
The second objection is more specific to the product in question. The ad pretends to be about love, showing and sharing love with the aid of clever technology. But Grandma, you see, is still dead. Grandpa is still all alone. Once your leave taking your expensive iPad with you he won’t even be left with the image of his family, complete with smiling Grandma, stuck to his fridge, to look at every so often.
And all because your insufferably spoilt children can’t be fagged to do an actual collage, using paper, scissors and glue like normal humans. Or maybe they would. But where’s the profit for Apple in that?
And since you can only bring down capitalism from within (if at all) I look forward to seeing the actor playing Grandad being hired by Ryan Raynolds for a new Aviation Gin ad. The camera pans away from his dejected face to reveal him sitting in an untrendy bar, drinking himself to death surrounded by his elderly friends. "Drink up mate, have another one". And the pay off line. "Forget those fucking children!". That's an advert I'd toast to.
